Hi everyone. The day of reckoning is here. I just found out that daddy has been writing for me for the past 4 years, and I've decided enough is enough. I'm old enough to do the writing myself. For real. This is actually Eli talking now, not some phony.

I really miss everyone in Charlottesville a lot, but we'll get to see Pennsylvania people more now that I live in Jenkintown. Our new house is pretty. I'll send some pictures once we get all unpacked. Grandma Nene and Grandpa Don visited us this past week. Grandma cleaned and did the gardening and Grandpa built our tables.

Most importantly, I want to share some jokes that I made up all by myself (really):

Q: Why did the baby drive the car?
A: Because it wanted to get more bottles!

Q: Why did the people go to the store bringing their house?
A: Because they wanted to live near the store so they could walk to the store!

Q: What did the baby drive the car and the kid sit in the front seat while the grown-ups sat in the back?
A: Because they wanted to try new things they had never done before!

I hope you enjoy these 100% original jokes and pass them on to all of your friends. And anyone whose e-mail address you happen to have. They'll love you for it.

(OK, so maybe dad is helping me out a little bit. But he does get my complete approval before he types anything. And the jokes really are mine.)

Please come up here and look at our new house when it's finished!

Love,
Eli (and Andrea and Josh and Evelyn and Margie and Monty)

I had the following conversation yesterday:

Me: Mommy, I want to have ten baby sisters!
Mommy: Well, I don't think I can be pregnant that much.
Me: Well, maybe Evelyn can start.

Today was something of a red letter day. The following things took place within a two hour span:

1) Monty ate a leaky AAA battery.
2) We took Marge to the vet to get a shot. The vet left the syringe right in front of me, and I started playing with it and squirting the stuff everywhere. When the vet showed me that it was a needle, I started screaming. The vet calmly explained that I wasn't getting a shot, and it was just for Marge. At which point, I yelled, "Run, Marge! Run!"
3) I dumped an entire bottle of bubble bath into the bathtub. It was an economy-sized bottle, so the water was literally half bubble bath.
4) While mommy was inspecting the ensuing rash, I farted in her face.

Good times. Mayhem is so much more fun when daddy is out of town.

Mommy's been reading me a science book which sort of explains where people came from. Mommy sort of reads it quickly before bed, so I've been left to fill in the gaps. As I explained to her, there were fish, and then they went onto a beach, and then they turned into reptiles and then monkeys. And then a spaceship came down from outer space and brought people to the planet.

According to dad, I just invented something called "Scientology."