It's official-- I'm having a baby sister! Who-hoo! Here's the incontrovertable proof, somehow gathered by squirting goo on mommy's belly and getting jabbed with a cattle prod:

As you can see, there is a distinct lack of kibbles and bits in the "bottom" area. That's how you know it's a baby sister.

Here's mommy getting creamed up and jabbed. Luckily, the TV show that was playing during her exam was riveting...


You can tell she's another precocious Kaplowitz, because she's already talking to me (see bottom of picture):

I can't wait to start picking on her. Good times, good times.

I've been reading a bit lately, mostly just three and four letter words. And no, if you happen to be one of daddy's male friends, please do not get any ideas. (Daddy told me to write that-- not sure what he means exactly.)

Fall has finally arrived, and with it the permanent end to the specter of global warming. (I knew the president's environmental policies were working!)

First things first, we had to carve the ol' pumpkin. I went with a self-portrait this year:

Uncanny, no?

Now that the weather has gotten colder, I've had to move some of my favorite summer activities indoors. Luckily, this picnic was just as delicious in our bedroom:

It contains food from each of the four plastic food groups!

With the wind kicking up, this past Sunday was the perfect day to fly kites...

...until about 3 seconds later...


While I may not be a natural kite-flyer, I do have photographic evidence that talent is genetic:

Mommy put this sign in our front yard the other day:

You can understand why I look pretty upset. As far as I can tell, there are two ways to interpret it. Either mommy is already trying to oppress me as the oldest child, even before my baby brother/sister is born... or she doesn't want me to go pee anymore. Either way, I am very disturbed.

In other news, my war on Monty continues. My latest strategy is making sure that he can't even move in the first place. It's a preemptive strike, which should work out really well, as anyone who has followed global events in the past five years can attest:

Monty greeted me as a liberator.

I had an adventure with Mommy's makeup today that went sadly unphotographed. My comment after I was discovered with eyeliner across my face and stripes on the dog: "I didn't know it was going to be so messy"

Speaking of the dog, Monty managed to open up a box of snack-sized chip bags and deposit them around the house while mommy was picking me up at school. Luckily, I had the foresight to impose a permanent solution to this ongoing problem:

Monty will never get past this impenetrable barrier.