Last week, Grandma Nene and Cousin Tommy graced us with their presence. On the bright side, I got some sweet presents and picked idly at some reportedly delicious food. On the flip side, it meant that there were five of us crammed in a small two-bedroom apartment. I got the shortest straw, so I ended up sleeping in mom and dad's closet. (It's agonizing to think that if I had chosen a different straw, I could have had the queen bed and mom and dad would have gotten the closet.) Also, Tommy picked on me like the older brother I'm relieved I never had. I did, however, get some great tips for when it's my turn to be the pissant older brother.
After a day of that, I tried to lure the two of them to the local troll to have them eliminated:
Unfortunately, he was otherwise occupied consuming an entire Volkswagen beetle.
Mom and dad's agenda was somewhat different-- to lure mom's family out to Seattle. The weather helped perpetuate the fraud:
Yeah, this may LOOK nice. But don't be fooled. Hey, maybe we should go check back with the troll...
Far away the pinnacle of the summer was this past weekend, however, when I was chosen (no doubt out of a nationwide pool of applicants) to be the ring-bearer at a local wedding of some schmuck my dad caused trouble with in college. My makeup team got me prepped for this solemn responsibility:
Can you make sure the clip on the tie isn't showing? It's supposed to give the appearance of being a half-windsor knot, you know.
Yes, I was worried about carrying our my essential duties. But my biggest concern was the inevitable fiasco when everyone realized that I was showing up the groom:
Ladies (or men)-- you'll have to wait another 14.5 years for this.
The ceremony went without a hitch, other than the fact that I had a hard time parting with my precious, precious rings. It is fitting that I was named after Elijah Wood from the movie (and Yale like some people have slanderously suggested), as I really was born to be a ring-bearer. It also helped that mom lured me back to my seat with the irresistible taste sensation of blue lollipops:
After a lovely ceremony in which neither bride nor groom chickened out, I brought up the rear of the exiting wedding party. Just to make sure no one was groping each other's butts.
Hey hey, I want to see two pairs of hands!
Oh, and then I stole the bride:
My partying ways have continued since then. This past Tuesday I joined the hordes for some legendary Seattle fireworks...
...and then went to sleep at 11:15 at night. Two nights later, a partner at dad's law firm babysat me while mom and dad went to a firm event. (Pause for a moment and reflect on the huge leap of faith that dad took there. One "goddammit" out of my mouth the whole evening and poof, there goes the offer. I resisted.) At 10:30, when mom and dad came to pick me up, I was still going strong. Apparently my new nickname is Energizer Bunny. Which sounds a little girly to me. I much prefer Energizer Kitty Cat.
Peace out from the Pacific Coast,
Eli
After a day of that, I tried to lure the two of them to the local troll to have them eliminated:
Unfortunately, he was otherwise occupied consuming an entire Volkswagen beetle.
Mom and dad's agenda was somewhat different-- to lure mom's family out to Seattle. The weather helped perpetuate the fraud:
Yeah, this may LOOK nice. But don't be fooled. Hey, maybe we should go check back with the troll...
Far away the pinnacle of the summer was this past weekend, however, when I was chosen (no doubt out of a nationwide pool of applicants) to be the ring-bearer at a local wedding of some schmuck my dad caused trouble with in college. My makeup team got me prepped for this solemn responsibility:
Can you make sure the clip on the tie isn't showing? It's supposed to give the appearance of being a half-windsor knot, you know.
Yes, I was worried about carrying our my essential duties. But my biggest concern was the inevitable fiasco when everyone realized that I was showing up the groom:
Ladies (or men)-- you'll have to wait another 14.5 years for this.
The ceremony went without a hitch, other than the fact that I had a hard time parting with my precious, precious rings. It is fitting that I was named after Elijah Wood from the movie (and Yale like some people have slanderously suggested), as I really was born to be a ring-bearer. It also helped that mom lured me back to my seat with the irresistible taste sensation of blue lollipops:
After a lovely ceremony in which neither bride nor groom chickened out, I brought up the rear of the exiting wedding party. Just to make sure no one was groping each other's butts.
Hey hey, I want to see two pairs of hands!
Oh, and then I stole the bride:
My partying ways have continued since then. This past Tuesday I joined the hordes for some legendary Seattle fireworks...
...and then went to sleep at 11:15 at night. Two nights later, a partner at dad's law firm babysat me while mom and dad went to a firm event. (Pause for a moment and reflect on the huge leap of faith that dad took there. One "goddammit" out of my mouth the whole evening and poof, there goes the offer. I resisted.) At 10:30, when mom and dad came to pick me up, I was still going strong. Apparently my new nickname is Energizer Bunny. Which sounds a little girly to me. I much prefer Energizer Kitty Cat.
Peace out from the Pacific Coast,
Eli
posted by elikaplowitz at 10:07 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Eli!
I must say you were looking pretty dapper at that wedding . . . don't forget those tips I tought you.
yay for an update! but i want to hear more about this partner babysitting you. i avoid the partners like the plague and eli is spending whole nights with them!?!? i suppose this is yet another reason i should be worried about my prospects of an offer. do you think it would help if i borrowed a toddler? i'm not sure you would like it here tho; we don't have any trolls.
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